I knew deep down this blog would eventually come, but I envisaged it in years to come – maybe 3, maybe 5 or maybe even more. I sit writing this with a lot to say but not much at the same time. I wrote on the Q-Power team forum 3 weeks ago [extract below] and was quite sad. Today writing this I am more composed. But where to begin?
When I started this journey in August 2010 I had a no idea where it would lead. It started as a bit of fun, a training tool over a few weeks that led to a run up to the Royal Navy Championships and then a run out at the British Championships. I was invited onto the team for what would be 1 of 3 trips to the USA to the World Championships and an insight into how big this sport is globally.
I was learning all the time and it soon became an addiction; more so when I realised I wasn’t too bad either and could pull some semi decent times. After 9 months out having only just stated I joined James Bailey’s Q-Power and the ambition and drive got really serious. The goals became realistic and the training got intense; I did just short of 2 years at Q-Power and in my eyes was 2-3 years off from full potential and achieving my ultimate goal.
Those who follow my blog would know about a major injury problem that I have been plagued with and fighting [the truth is no-one truly knows, except my close family about how bad my injury is and what struggle I go through on a daily basis just to function]. That injury has now become the show stopper that has made this decision really quite simple and easy as I don’t have to make it. The injury that has finished me off is my lower back and I can now officially announce that as of today this is the end of my indoor rowing career and the ambition and aspirations that come with it.
I wanted to blog to find some closure in some way or another and because I know that a number of people have followed my journey from the day I started my blog. I have met many people both national and internationally who have commented on my social network profiles and met in person who have been inspired by my writing. It is those people who have inspired me to write and blog a personal account of my journey which I have truly enjoyed writing. To that end I felt it was right to make sure this blog has some good reasoning’s behind it and because I have always been honest so have nothing to lose by expressing myself one last time.
It has been nearly a month since my last row – I think it was a 15km distance row followed by an hour on the bike. The following day I woke up and went through the daily routine of trying to mobilise myself in bed before attempting to swing my legs over the side to stand up. I tend to wear slip on shoes or flip flops year round to eliminate the painful complicated process of bending down and putting on socks. Eating breakfast fuelling up ready for the morning session I sat in the usual pain as my spine compressed and the hour long commute to work was much the same with continued pain and discomfort.
I am sure you will appreciate this comes with many negative thoughts, it’s not the most constructive way to start the day. I think about the day ahead and what I have got on. Then I think about what training I have scheduled, all the time in pain and asking the question of how the hell am I going to row? On this day though by the end of the hour commute something different had happened. Instead of blanking any problems and accepting the pain, I found myself making a decision; A decision that was actually made for me by the constant small spasms and dull ache that ran through my lumbar. Arriving at work and getting out the car I know that it is over – even if I don’t quite believe it.
I don’t feel guilty on missing training that day but instead remain rather chirpy and playful. The same happens the following day and so on and so forth until the end of the week all the time with it running through my head. But not the question of whether or not I am making the right decision, but am I ok with it. The decision has been made.
I speak to my family that weekend and speak to Q the following week. There is not really much to say; I have spent the past month thrashing myself through various activities to test and to make sure I am not making this up! Even though I have struggled with back issues all my life it is clear that it is rowing that destroys me. Since stopping I am mobile, supple with good range of movement. I get out of bed in the morning with more ease and recover after any training activity the right way rather than the constant battle of being unable to stand up straight.
I am happier too, even though I am sure in time I will miss the competition come next season but right now with no pressure to perform and being able to do what I want is quite a novelty. Any lower back tightness is met with a shrug of the shoulders now, rather than anger, frustration, sadness and negative thoughts. The chiropractic work I have received lasts, opposed to lasting one day before regression due to the spine flexion and compression the erg provides.
Finally I thought I would copy the narrative I wrote to my team mates a few weeks ago explaining all that I can. I would like to share that on my blog below.
Finally it goes without say that I owe so much to a number of people who have supported me through the past few years and in understanding this decision I am making here. The only one I will actually mention here is of course to my coach James Bailey who has become not just a coach and mentor but my friend and without his input I would not have achieved what I did in the short time in the sport.
I leave prematurely with 3 long term goals not met but with a decent medal hall and 2 national titles. 3 top 8 finishes at the World Championships and 3 sub 6.10 2k rows is respectable in my eyes and still an achievement.
Finally I wish everyone success in what they try and achieve, in particular to my Q-Power team mates who work harder in this amateur sport than anyone would ever know.
I don’t plan on disappearing completely and will always be on and off various forums. I am unsure of where my blog will go but would like to keep it running – to what extent at this stage I still don’t know.
I have met some impressive and inspiring characters in the last few years and will continue to follow your progress. You may see me around at a few events in years to come but this time will be enjoying it from the other side of the fence and will cheer you all on.
Train hard and chase your dream, some of you just might catch it.
What a journey, it’s been emotional.
Ollie Osborne
Extract from the Q-Power forum that I wrote 2 weeks ago:-
Firstly my apology’s for been somewhat quieter than usual over the past week or so. As an active team member I tend not to disappear for days on end without updating the team on my movements but I will now take this opportunity to reveal some sad and unfortunate news on my part.
Last Wednesday I woke up and after some deliberation made a very tough but sort of obvious one way favoured decision. It is with sincere regret that I have decided my rowing career has to come to an abrupt end from this point forward. It is not an easy decision to accept but is in fact a very easy decision to make.
2 weeks ago I revealed that I am moving onto a ship in the Autumn and after doing some research have found that this would have enabled me to train better than I am now due to a lot of time away and plenty of time on my hands, however as with some things there has proved to be a cruel twist:-
If you haven’t already guessed the main factor forcing me to make the decision is my underlying back injury problems. I’m sure I don’t need to go into too much detail as most team members will know the ongoing problems and struggles I have faced in recent years.
As I expressed to Q, after finally plucking up the courage to phone him yesterday [I actually had 2 missed calls from him but finally decided to call him back after being unusually quiet for a week or so] the injury problems I have and am facing are not truly known to anyone except myself.
Yes I blog public and more honestly on here the struggles I face but that is purely the tip of the iceberg. I face a daily and even hourly struggle in general mobility and movement to carry out the simplest tasks without any discomfort or pain. The pain varies and whilst I haven’t had a relapse since August the risk of one is always just around the corner.
A few weekends back I couldn’t pick my little boy up and throw him up and down in the park nor could I get onto the floor and lie on my side and play with him – this was the start of what would be the cascade of events to lead me to this decision. Getting up in the morning is a struggle and is usually a long painful drawn out process feeling like an old man trying to get mobilised before I consider the difficult task of putting on my clothes.
Sitting for breakfast is an unpleasant experience as my spine compresses having been flat all night and stretched out. As it compresses it fires warning signals with every contraction and twist of my core to tell me its going to be a good day or if I’m in for a tough one. The same process happens in the car as I try and sit tall but the natural slouch fires warning shots through my nerve receptors indicating pain and a problem.
Whilst this is going on I am instantly put on the back foot and into a bad mood whilst thinking ‘how the hell am I going to row today?’
If I do make it to the rowing machine I try in vain to dynamically warm up the assister muscles like hamstrings and glutes. I’ll split the piece into 2 or 3 segment to allow me to stand up but on standing up I am clutching onto nearby kit to assist the process. Later that day I may be sat at my desk and look to stand up. It’s not a simple process and once again I look for nearby desks, chairs etc to help me. I grunt and groan and must look like a 90 year old man stumbling out of his chair whilst the family look on thinking ‘is granddad going to fall or manage to stand up?’
It is also worth noting that I have been conducting my own experiment since last Tuesday and have been the guinea pig. I have done every activity possible, swimming, running, cycling, hill sprints, kettle bell, Olympic lifts, strength training and none has aggravated my back like rowing does. Sure I have had some mild discomfort and DOMS and the odd morning issue when getting out of bed but nothing that compares to the usual problem. I am confident this will disappear once my lower back is rested from rowing and I am more functionally fit and not put in the poor spine flexed position on an erg.
Anyway like I said – tip of the iceberg. It’s generally a miserable way to live and affects me directly and indirectly. Family, social, work and mental state all suffer and each day my state of mind is often a lottery.
Champions are supposed to overcome adversity and overcome the struggles and setbacks but I now feel that this has to stop and everybody has a breaking point. I can honestly say hand on heart I have tried everything to overcome the issues and have a terrific support team around me. I stretch religiously, I don’t undertake any other activity that may harm my back or put me at a disadvantage. I take chiropractic work regularly, I massage and foam role myself. I use ice and heat therapy where applicable – I have even been around the UK and flown to Italy to see specialists.
But it stops now. Carley has always said to me that I need to make sure I am not doing any long lasting damage and I have always remained ignorant and dismissive. Recently I have had some revelations in one way or another and finally accepted a few hard facts.
I remained quite for a few days last week and finally opened up to Carley and my family last week. Yesterday I spoke to Q for 45 minutes and confessed. It felt good in some way like a weight of my mind but in other ways I was pretty emotional after and had to take a few moments. I have been pretty ok with it all but only if I distract myself from it. Thinking about what I will be missing is heart breaking as I am sure like most we all have our own goals and visions. Mine was simple – to be a World Champion. That dream is now just a fantasy.
Finally, this is not a negotiable problem with other possibilities, this is hard fact. For now the future is unknown regarding my involvement with the team. Q has mentioned a few possibilities bit in terms of rowing, it’s over.
Right now I don’t want to send out thank you’s, goodbyes or anything of sort and feel once again emotional having to write this. I wanted to express my honesty with my team mates as I have done since the journey began. I ask for your confidentiality before I decide to end my blog in its rowing sense. Q and I spoke about possibilities of keeping it alive but understandably right now I am not interested in thinking about neither that nor my future.
Keep training hard champs.
Ollie.
“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand”.
