You’d look at the picture and probably ask:
“Have you just gone over on your ankle?”
Fair question.
Technically yes.
… 21 years ago.
But that’s my ankle today, yesterday and for the last 10 years.
Before the military injuries even came into play, there was a car accident in 2002.
I was working for the prison service at the time, in the back of a van that flipped over and crashed.
Driver went through the window, I was trapped inside.
I had to be cut out and airlifted to hospital.
Most frightening experience of my life.
Came away with “just” whiplash and went back to work 3 months later because I was going out of mind. (‘Crack on’) I still suffer today.
Then came Royal Marines service.
Injured in 2005. Again in 2009.
It led to an ankle reconstruction in 2016.
The reconstruction made it worse. (Cheers pusser.)
Two more surgeries followed.
And just recently I’ve been referred to a specialist further up the country to discuss a fourth.
Fusion. Or replacement. (Is that even a thing?!)
At 45.
This is what I live with day in, day out.
Constant swelling. Restricted mobility. Persistent pain.
The kind you don’t see unless I take my shoes and socks off. Or I buckle like the ground giving way beneath me when I’m going about my daily business.
Pain that quietly wears you down.
Because ankle dysfunction doesn’t stay in the ankle.
It changes how you walk. How you load your hips. How your back compensates.
Even after hip surgery, I still deal with the fallout.
Back spasms. Tightness. Pain that moves around depending on the day.
It’s a chain reaction.
And it’s constant.
“Pain you can’t see is often the hardest to explain.”
Add to that:
A spinal stress fracture. Bilateral hip tears. Surgery six years ago.
Let’s just say my body feels a bit bruised and battered.
And sometimes I sit there and genuinely wonder:
What’s this going to feel like at 50? 60? 70?
Because some days it’s hard enough now.
Here’s the part most people don’t hear.
It frustrates me.
It angers me.
It upsets me.
It beats me.
There are days I can’t move how I want to move. Can’t train how I want to train. Can’t do the things that used to be easy.
And when pain is there every day, not occasionally, it chips away at you.
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
No amount of mindset or discipline magically fixes that.
For years, my answer was the classic one.
“Crack on.”
Get on with it.
Don’t complain.
Royal Marines mentality.
Which sounds admirable.
Until it isn’t.
Because that same mentality of pushing hard and never asking for help is exactly what caught up with me later.
Two years in full-time military rehabilitation.
And the end of my career.
“‘Crack on’ works. Until it doesn’t.”
So where does this fit into you?
Why share any of this?
Because resilience isn’t about pretending things aren’t hard.
And it’s not about being bulletproof.
It’s about understanding your limits, your barriers and how you respond when life pushes back.
Injury. Stress. Fatigue. Responsibility. Pressure.
They’re not excuses.
They’re constraints.
And we all have them.
The difference is whether you acknowledge them and adapt…
Or ignore them until the wheels fall off.
I’ve done both.
Ignoring it cost me years.
This is where things like the body budget, recovery and resilience trajectory actually matter.
Because if your body is already under load and you keep withdrawing without topping up, something eventually gives.
Not dramatically.
Quietly.
Performance first. Then health.
“High performance isn’t about being indestructible. It’s about managing wear and tear before it manages you.”
I don’t have a neat answer for you today.
No framework. No steps. No pitch.
Just honesty.
A reminder that behind every role title, every business owner, every leader, every ex-military bloke talking about performance …
There’s just a human being trying to hold it all together like everyone else.
Including me.
If any of this resonates and you’d like a conversation about how we support senior leaders and high performers through our 30-day Health and Performance Diagnostic Phase, drop me a message.
Chat soon, Ollie
#ResilientLeadership #PerformanceUnderLoad #HumanFirstLeadership #HealthAndCapability #SustainablePerformance
